Play with your food; to add effect, act like it's a special performance for the people at the suivant table.
Turn around every thirty-seven secondes to the people at the suivant table, tableau and ask them if your siège is too close, if you're talking too loud, etc.
Whenever toi see someone getting up and leaving, bolt to their table, tableau and take the tip before the wait-person returns.
Eat REALLY loud; make disgusting noises; slurp EVERY time toi take a sip of your drink.
Constantly re-adjust the positions of absolutely EVERYTHING at your table; seats, silverware, dishes, the table, tableau itself; and make sure to make a big production out of it.
Order something on the menu, preferably something very specific, then when it comes, claim it's wrong and toi ordered something simple. Make a big production about the ineptitude of the help.
If shells are on the menu, order them and take them home. Come in the suivant jour and say, "Those shells toi sold me jammed up my shotgun! I want my money back!"
As soon as someone at a nearby table, tableau gets up, jump into their siège immediately, and claim you've been there the whole night. This is especially great when the others at that table, tableau are in on it.
Whenever anyone leaves their siège at another table, put some particularly messy peice of nourriture on their seat.
Two Words: nourriture Fight.
Poke the person suivant to toi repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.
This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair ou try to turn around, look at the ceiling ou pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.
Tap your fingernails on the table, tableau top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)
Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your siège whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.
Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their nourriture back.