How's my story so far?

The plot is a 8 an old girl is possessed par a demon-vampire, and the whole story is from her 20 an old sister's POV. Here's some of it. Hope this doesn't sounds like a weird plot :\


I walked down the rue only to find my favori breakfast bar infront of me.
I opend the door and walked in as the bells chimed as they hit the glass. I
looked around to see if Rosie was here, but it turns out, she wasn't. I
guess she doesn't work on Wensdays. I walked to the front counter and sat
down on one of those high chairs that spin. The velvet color reminded me of
the dress my sister wore to her seconde grade concert in December. She is
starting 3rd grade soon, and she's scared. Going to a new school must be
hard for a kid her age. And those nasty 5th graders. In my school, we were
separated from the kids in the higher grades. Even the buses were divided
into garde levels. And we had to wear uniforms. If toi were in 3rd grade,
toi would wear purple, 4th grade, green, and 5th grade, blue. I remember I
got Lost the first day, and a teacher lectured me on how I wasn't paying
attention, but I didn't care. The woman had no kids, so she didn't know
what it feels like to get Lost at such a young age especially when a kid
comes accueil and starts kicking the dust screamin at the wind at how stupid
some people were for tratin children like that. I had sat on my tire
balançoire, swing that jour thinking about how my life was going to end up.