Please post the most hilarious joke, thanks :)

Kid : Mom can I wear mini-skirt today ? 
Mom : No ! 
Kid : Can I wear lipstick? 
Mom : No ! 
Kid : Can I wear high heels ? 
...Mom : No ! 
Kid : But mom! I'm 17 years old ! 
Mom : I know Justin, I know ...
I know toi heard this before but what the hell,well here's another

*Best friend gets a boyfirend* 
Me: toi look happy. And a good thing for toi that she does. 
BFF boyfriend: Is this the part where toi tell me if I hurt her, you'll kill me? 
Me: No. If toi hurt her, she's quite capable of killing toi herself. Possibly with a variety of weapons. 
BFF boyfriend: ... And another

Best friends.. toi fight, I fight. toi hurt, I hurt. toi cry, I cry. toi jump off a bridge; I get in a paddle bateau and save your stupid ass. Ok that's enough peww

Knock, Knock

Who's There

Me

Me who

Me, the mailman!



LOL

[this isn't a joke] But.. I can't tell jokes, I have a very rare condition that makes me bleed if I tell a joke...... [jk]

knock knock

who's there?

owls.

owls who?

You're right.

<3

;3

Okay, here goes: Arnold Schwartzinager has a very big one. Justin Bieber has a very small one. Micky souris has a very unusual one. Jerry Sienfeld is very proud of his. Clinton uses his a lot. Tiger woods is now very ashamed of his. Madona dosen't have one.




What is it?





No, it's not a dick








it's a last name

Okay!! This is a joke I heard today!

John gets a distressed phone call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.

"I've got a problem," says Buffy.

"What's the matter?" asks John.

"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" asks John.

"It's of a big rooster," réponses Buffy.

"All right," says John. "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Buffy's house and she greets him par saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her cuisine and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the cuisine table.

John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Buffy, put the cornflakes back in the box."

lol!!