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salut I was wondering if you'd read the preface to my new story and tell me what toi think. Please and Thank you.

Hey guys, I'm just trying to write a story people are into so please just be honest. And if toi hate it don't be afride to commentaire that.


Preface
Darkness was already begining to take over. It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us. We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri. We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness. As the book a dit it would. Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil. We were not normal. toi could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that. Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people. And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.
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When are toi going to write plus and where?
TDIFan960 posted il y a plus d’un an
 midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
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Emo-me said:
Nice story, it was really good...;)

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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
EYBanuelos said:
It's pretty good. I got hooked since I started lire it!
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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awesome thanks
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
zutaradragon said:
so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny livres i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little plus differrant, though. this is one of the livres with a darkness.
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 so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny livres i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little plus differrant, though. this is one of the livres with a darkness.
posted il y a plus d’un an 
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sorry 2 burst ur bubble slightly, but i thought i should point it out.
zutaradragon posted il y a plus d’un an
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oh its cool thanks for being honest
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
selgomez5613 said:
Great job! And cool describing
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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thanks
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
Irina92 said:
nice preface but, from experience, preface is one of the easiest parts.. keep going and if toi have the ideas it'll turn out great!=)
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
lolibarbie said:
Amazing!
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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Thanks :P
midnight-stars posted il y a plus d’un an
brandonsbabyboo said:
thata really good actually. i like it, i'm writting a story too but i don't think mine is good enough yet to even put a little bit of it on the web yet. thanks for letting me read it.

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posted il y a plus d’un an 
LunaShay said:
This is pretty good!But i think i would switch the powers a little.You don't have to,but most powers used in livres are water earth ou fire.It kinda reminds me of Avatar XD.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
FearlessSinger said:
Ooh! Cool! I'm so gonna buy it when it's published!!! lol. But I will only buy it if toi buy my l’amour story. Deal?
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
shyboy77 said:
it's awesome yet it's kind of creepy in a way and it seem's to be a suspense full story I l’amour it.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
DracoLuver said:
It's good, but some of the sentences can be combined.

It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us.

"It had only been two months after we had found the Book of Lies and already it had taken over two of us."

I hope toi understand what I'm trying to say.

Same with:

We were not normal. toi could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that.

"We were not normal, as toi could say. We were powerful and the book didn't like that."

Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people.

"Mari and Jessyikia could read people, but I had a much deeper power: controlling people."

We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri.
We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness.

"Jessykia, Mari, and I were the last three left to overcome the darkness threating our world. The last three living, the only hope."

Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil.

"Sometimes I wished we had never gone alongside with Beth and Gina; for Jessykia had sensed their evil."

And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.

"The last three living had power of a natural wonder; Jessyikia - fire, Mari - air, and I being able to control water."

toi already used 'had to save the world' before, so maybe ...

"We had to destroy this book, before it destroyed us."

I just wanted to give some constructive criticism. Anyway, the story seems very facinating. Good job and good luck! :)






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TDIFan960 said:
Wow It's to Good For Words
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goodman8 said:
Thaht is very good
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