I don’t want to be friends. I want to be more.
We’ve been Friends since we were foals. Sunburst always knew what to do in troubled times. He was my only friend as a filly. I was terrible at magic, and all the other ponies in my class would laugh at my dullness.. Except him.. I found it strange. I found it strange how he talked and interacted with me. I found it odd how he was willing to help me with magic. It puzzled me how happy I got when he talked to me, whether it was about how he discovered teleportation, ou simply complaining about the noise his neighbors made. I felt strong and confident when I was with him. I felt loved.
But in a blink of an eye, he was gone. I had Lost somepony who wasn’t even mine. I was left alone with my rumbling thoughts. I was abandoned par my only friend. But that did not make me l’amour him any less. Was I not worth it? Was I not worth loving? ou staying? There were nights where I cried so hard that my body ached and I shaked and I had to put my head in my oreiller so no poney would hear me. There were also nights where I was happy that he was happy in Princess Celestia’s school of Magic. And there were also nights where I felt nothing at all. But there was never a night where Sunburst did not traverser, croix my mind. I was never able to get him out my head. And even years later, I looked for him; high and low for the stallion that a volé, étole my heart, but to no avail. He broke my heart, but I still loved him with every single shattered piece. My sadness and sorrow turned into this ball of hatred and anger and I blamed the villagers for it. I never fully recovered after he left, I just-
“...Starlight?” Asked the orange coated stallion who sat across me, sipping from the cup of coffee he ordered earlier.
I blinked my tears away, soon realizing I was rêverie off into the distance. I unconsciously blushed as I lifted my blurry, purple eyes which interlocked with Sunburst’s. His eyes grew in concern as he set his mug down and pushed his glasses back up his snout.
“Are toi alright? Your nourriture is getting cold. I invited toi over for breakfast for some company, not to be ignored the whole time,” he nudged playfully.
“...y-yeah, haha.. I’m fine.. I was just thinking about some stuff. Thank toi once again for inviting me for breakfast.. I haven’t been out lately. And don’t worry about me, I’m just tired,” I said. That was the worst excuse ever, but it was true. I WAS tired. Tired of loving somepony who did not feel the same way about me. Sunburst returned to eating his meal, which was a nice plate of sliced fruit and raw hay. I had Lost my appetite. The only thing I craved was his love. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to stand up and coil my hooves around him. I wanted to Kiss him and feel his beard against my skin. I wanted to tell Sunburst how much I loved him, and how much I missed him and how grateful I was to have him par my side while it lasted as a filly. But instead, I sat still, emotionless. My dull eyes were attached to the cup of thé below me. Neither of us dared to provoke the awkward silence.
“Was it easy?” I abruptly asked.
“..If what was easy?” Sunburst replied in confusion.
“Leaving me. toi know, spending your time making me feel like the only unicorn in the world, then leaving without notice and abandoning me for years? Hah, and not even caring to look back?”
Sunburst stood quiet. He didn’t understand what had caused Starlight to act out like this. He twitched his orange ears, then fixed his glasses once again that was sliding down his nose. He swallowed an anxious knot and stared deeply into the mare’s eyes, realizing the damage he had caused.
“Forget it,” I added.
“Just forget what I said. I don’t know what got into me.. I’ve been thinking too much.”
Sunburst released a vehement sigh, and placed his hoof on mine. My muscles strained when I felt his touch. It was so gentle and sincere, and for a divisé, split second, I forgot about everything he had done to hurt me. There was something in his eyes I could not get out my head. Blue was never my favori color, but he made it look appealing to me. They say toi can’t l’amour somepony else until toi l’amour yourself, but that’s pure crap. I have never loved myself. But him, oh Celestia. I loved him so much I forgot what hating myself felt like. Once again, I returned to the cycle of this unrequited love.