1. Offer him cacahuète, arachide beurre truquer, fudge that toi cooked yourself, and tell him that toi named it Cornelius truquer, fudge because it’s "nutty." Make sure it’s sticky and overdone.

2. Tell him that citron vert green isn’t really his color, and that he’s really plus of a winter.

3. Offer to take him to the mall to buy him some new clothes in different, plus flattering colors.

4. Try to get him to rejoindre a conga line with toi and Voldemort and look very hurt if he refuses.

5. Tell him that "Scrimgeour always seemed like so much plus of an authoritative figure."

6. Make up a theme song for him to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" and sing it wherever he goes.

7. Make up flyers containing the printed version of the theme song and hand it out to important Ministry officials.

8. Try to get him to rejoindre S.P.E.W., because "elves are people too!"

9. Paint a scar on your forehead and hop around singing, "We were telling the truth! We were telling the truth!" in an annoying, high pitched voice.

10. Give his melon, chapeau melon hat to the giant squid. If he gets mad at you, tell him that toi were just trying to montrer your care for all species. Make sure to stare at him with big, chiot eyes.