1. Tell her Ron proposed to Lavender in Madam Puddifoot's.
2. Tell her McGonagall a dit that her global, ensemble OWL results would have been a T, but they decided that would have been an insult to trolls.
3. Frequently inquire as to why she is wasting time knitting all those woolly bladders and leaving them lying around the common room.
4. When toi ask why she's angry with Pansy Parkinson, and she tells toi it's because Pansy just compared her to a chipmunk, act confused and say: "But why are toi so upset? I thought toi valued honesty in others?"
5. Whenever something in Hogwarts isn't working properly, say loudly: "I reckon it's those stupid house elves' fault. Dumbledore's much too soft with them. . . ."
6. Say to her: "You remind me of a movie star." When she beams at you, say: "Yes, it's incredibly hard to find somebody who looks like Bugs Bunny, but with those front teeth of yours you're the spitting image of him."
7. Inform her you've just read Rita Skeeter's article about her and Harry and Krum. Tell her she's not worthy of either boy and that "Harry Potter has had to endure enough tragedy without having a scarlet woman rip his cœur, coeur out."
8. Tell her that when Harry and Ron ran into the bathroom to rescue her from the mountain troll, they had to pause for a moment to figure out which one was the troll and which one was Hermione.
9. Constantly try to solve the mysteries of Hogwarts par saying: "It's obvious, isn't it? As soon as he heard Dumbledore coming towards him, he must have disapparated out of Hogwarts!"
10. In lessons, always answer questions par heavily misquoting Hermione's favourite textbooks, using her exact know-it-all tone of voice. When the teacher tells toi that you're incorrect, state that it's not your fault because toi were only saying what Hermione said.
11. Take a leaf out of Ron's book and imitate her bouncing up and down in her chair trying to answer a question.
12. After Slughorn's Christmas party, say to her, "Hermione, Cormac's been looking all over for you" - every jour for three weeks.
13. After Gryffindor Quidditch try outs in sixth year, follow her around saying loudly, "Hey prefect! Confunded anyone lately?"
14. Quote Malfoy. "Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers."
15. When donné a mountain of homework, sigh and say in a squeaky house-elf sounding voice: "No sick days. No payment. No job satisfaction. So much work we has, miss!"