I´m really really sorry for this one beeing so long. I´m sorry!! I just felt that i shouldn´t dived it!! this is one of my fav parts!
Hope toi like it and please leave comments.
I felt scared, i wasn´t sure of what happened, if it was true ou not. The Augurey´s scream remained in my head… it never had this effect on me, it was so strong that I really felt like I was falling into the darkness, dying, as if I were sleep forever.
I went to the Owls Tower, my favori place in Hogwarts. My owl, Maugrim, wasn´t there as always, I never understood why he´s different from the other owls, during the jour when it´s supposed to be sleeping, he´s out, hunting, during the night when it´s supposed to be hunting, he´s sleeping!
I went to the haut, retour au début of the tower and I sat in one of the big windows with my legs out. The wind is strong up there so my hair was swirling around my face.
“Remus” that was the only thing I could think… my cœur, coeur shrink again…”Severus”, I didn´t thought about Severus, my brother. I couldn´t even imagine his reaction when he found out that Remus was in the same square mile than me… but, actually, I didn´t wanted to think about it, at least not right now.
As always I didn´t know how much time it passed while I was in the tower…
- “Salem.” My head snapped up so fast that I almost hurt myself.
Remus was staring at me with a sad smile on his face, I smiled to him too and I wonder for how long he was looking at me.
I jumped of the window to the ground and I walked toward to him… I didn´t had quite sure of what to do, I was just in front of him not knowing where to put my eyes, insecure.
- “Let´s go.” He a dit and grabbed my hand. We walk through the château in silence, slowly going through the Gardens, the Lake and in the right time when we were out of sight he pulled me closer to him.
-“That kid who toi were talking earlier wants me to tell toi that he´s going to do an extra job about Augureys for you.”
- “Benjamin Barker?” I ask.
- “He´s my best student.” I a dit smiling.
- “He´s not that good on my discipline.” He scoffed.
- “Don´t be rude to him Remus, he´s so cute and very smart.”
- “I´m not rude to him but in the other jour I catch him drawing a Thestral.”
- “I know, he showed me the design.”
I smiled in my own shy way and he was just looking at me.
- “What?” I ask.
- Nothing. He was smiling too. Sometimes I think he Lost himself in me.
We arrived at Hogsmead, were many people on the Main rue but that didn´t bothered me at that moment, I was there with Remus, just because of him, only for him and I felt protected as if none of those people could reach me, he grabbed my hand with such a force that I could only fell safe. I understood, par the way he grabbed my hand that he wanted me just for him, not from anyone else and that attitude was driving me crazy.
We went to Flourish and Blotts, he went looking for some Defense Against the Dark Arts livres he had ordered. While the store man was seeking for the livres I lean my head on Remus shoulder, right away he pulled me to him and gave a Kiss on my head; I hugged him.
I didn´t want to leave his arms ever, I didn´t want to be away from him ever and when the store man came back with the livres and I had to distance myself from him it was like someone had stolen some part of me, I missed him even thought he was right suivant to me… he paid, thanked and we return to the Main Street.
When we left the store I took one of the livres and I started to browse it, I should be with a fascinated expression in my face because he asked:
- “Do toi want to help me preparing a class?”
- “Yes.” I a dit seeming like a child as if someone were offering me an ice cream. He knows I l’amour Defense Against the Dark Arts, he knew it when he saw all my books.
We crossed the Front Gates; in the Gardens were probably half the students of Hogwarts, much plus than when we went to Hogsmead. At that moment I had the feeling that we are both thinking the same… I didn´t release his hand and he didn´t release mine too. There was no need to say anything.
We went up the Staircases os Stone and then the Staircases of Marble, nobody passed par us, Hogwarts was desert. Remus was leading me to his office and I was letting myself go. I was praying for Peeves not appear suddenly, I didn´t even want to think about the consequences of that… I know that we passed for all those kids, hand with hand but I could swear no one saw us but if Peeves, par some change, see us together… my brain does not even acknowledge that possibility.
When we arrived at his office he open the door and let me in first; I smiled. Against my will I release his hand and I looked around me; everything returned to my head: when I confronted him about being a Werewolf, when he for the first time made me understand that he cared about me plus than just a friend and before that when he told all that stories that I loved about him, James, Sirius and Peter.
I heard my name and I looked around me again, he was looking at me, wondering, I thought, in what I was thinking about.
- “What are toi thinking?” It´s confirmed that I was right.
- “Nothing, I´m just remembering a few things.” He looked around him too and I knew he was remembering the same things I was.
- “Come up here.” Remus a dit while he was putting under the table, tableau near to the window the livres he had ordered and some other ones. I went up the stairs to reach the table; I always liked that area of his office. I sat in the chair that is turned back to the window; the wind was making my hair fly. He also sat in front of me, I lean my head to my hand while I was looking at him. Remus was looking for something in the books, focused and concentrated then he looked at me in a glance, just to check if I was okay, if I was still there but as he saw that I was looking at him he continue to look at me too… we stopped in time for a moment but then I divert my eyes, I wasn´t able to endure the pressure of his gaze in me.
- “I´m thinking of talking about The Unforgivable Curses… what do toi think?” He was still looking at me; I could feel it but not with the same look…
- “I think it´s time!”
- “I think that too.”
- “But how am I going to do it? It´s a very dangerous theme!”
- “You have to teach them to defend themselves.”
- “I know but first I need to montrer them what´s the power of the Curses and then I can teach them defending themselves but the question is: how am I going to montrer them? I mean… I can´t illustrate it!”
I raised myself from the chair, I knew exactly what he needed, I left the office and I went to my room. In my bibliothèque was one of my favori Black Magic books, I took it and I returned to Remus´s office.
- “Please, don´t read it louder!” I a dit hastily as I remembered the book´s curse. I montrer him the book and the pictures he could use to explain what each Unforgivable Curse does… he browses the book at first fascinated but then shocked.
- “Where did toi get this?” Remus asked apparently confused.
- “On Burgin & Burkes…”
He was definitely shocked
- “What? It´s the only place where I can find a real book of Dark Arts.” I said, defending myself, I knew that book was a little bit shocking, hard but I didn´t buy it for the same reasons that a Death Eater, for example, would buy it.
He looked at the book again.
- “This book is great, dangerous I think but… great… educative!”
- “I´ts just a book Remus and, as toi said, it´s very educative. It´s a very good book!” I a dit defending, now, my book.
- “This book must be under Black Magic.”
- “It is.” I confirmed.
- “What´s the curse?”
- “Death. To the person who read it louder.”
- “How do toi found that?”
- “Burgin told me when I bought it!”
Remus took a deep breath
- “Anyway… this book is great and this is exactly what I needed to explain the Unforgivable Curses. Thank you.”
- “Just… don´t let any student touch it, we never now ok!? Be careful… please.”
- “Of course.” He a dit looking straight into my eyes. – “Don´t worry.”
I smiled again to him. We began to prepare the lesson but once in a while we stood so close to each other that I could only think about his kiss. When we finished, it was late and I was starving. Remus a dit that he would get something for us to eat and he left the office. I went to the nearest window and I sat in the parapet. The sunset controlled the landscape in front of me, the sky was red feu and it seemed that erupted in flames on the horizon. The wind brought me the scent of the Forbidden Forest and a Thestral was flying above the canopy of the trees as if it were also contemplating the departure of the sun.
Remus returned with the nourriture floating in front of him par magic, a bowl of bouillie, gruau came to me. He sat in the chair where I had been sitting before; he was browsing again my book while he was eating bouillie, gruau too. I looked back outside; it was heat and the kids still in the Gardens, some of them still in the water playing with the Giant Squid… Remus was hypnotized with the book, keeping the spoon in his mouth just like a child. I smiled inside.
I turned my head to the forest, to the last rays of sun. The wind is not as strong in Remus office as it is in the Owls Tower but my hair was still swirling around my face. In a gesture of care with my hair I realized that Remus was looking at me, observant like he was trying to know every part of me par heart. Since I know him, since I saw him for the first time that I fear his eyes, they make feel vulnerable, weak, naked… and he knows that but I couldn´t refuse his eyes, he didn´t deserve that so I looked at him and I let him look too. In that moment nothing plus exists, no plus pain, no fear, no problems, no Severus… there´s nothing plus I wished than his eyes on me but as always they made me feel weak and the sensation of escape started to made part of me again, I was not able to face his eyes.
- “If I go now will toi be mad with me?” I a dit almost without breathing. He started to walk in my direction and then back to wall, par my side, turned to me.
- “It depends… toi want to go because toi don´t want to face my eyes ou for other motives?”
- “For other motives…” I was almost whispering, like everytime I lie.
I was not able to lie to him, somehow I always knew that, I will never be able to foolish him, to lie to him, my mouth will say one thing but my eyes another… the truth. I realized that with him it will always be like this.
- “If toi know the truth why are toi asking?” I said.
Remus had a smile on his face but I didn’t like that smile was not a happy smile not even that sad smile I l’amour in him was another type of smile… a disappointed one.
- “I like when toi get nervose.”
- “You´re mean.”
- “No plus than you.” He was not joking. I could see he was hurt. That made want to die. In that moment I realized that there´s nothing plus painful than hurt someone toi love.
- “Don´t be mad with me Remus…”
- “I´m not… go.” For my surprise that was an order, he really wanted me to go. He was hurt I knew it and the way he was looking at me was hurting me so much too, like a couteau straight into my heart. I couldn´t do anything now… just leave. I jumped of the window for the seconde time this day. I was so sorry and my cœur, coeur was hurting me so much that I could barely breathe and walk. Before leaving his office I looked at him one last time but he was not looking at me, he was looking through the window, without smiling at all now. I wanted to say something but no sound came out from my mouth so against my will and with all my body and soul screaming of pain I left his office…