Elder Scrolls V : Skyrim Club
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What is Skyrim?
If toi are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.

In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire par using dragons. Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal. Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy ou an black ogre from Stormwind, they get to take control of their hell spawned fictitious demon.

Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment. Now that the player is free, they will spend the suivant 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animaux and also learn how to conjure up black magic.

Throughout the game, the player is exposed to full frontal violence and replay style death killing finish moves. The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.

The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far plus dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. When a player casts a spell, toi will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy cul, ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin lait into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the suivant Skyrim saga.

SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:
D – Dirty
O – Orifice
V – Violation
A – Always
H – Hurts
K – Keep
I – Injecting
I – It
N – Naiant



How Would My Child Get Access to Skyrim?

If your child doesn’t have the money to buy this game, be sure they are spending countless hours watching their bitttorrents download massive amounts of band widths to illegal obtain this demonic grail of violent dragon porn. Be sure to inspect all of their friend’s houses. Anyone of the evil axis of consoles; PlayStation 1,2 ou 3, Gamecube ou XBox 360 Live Kentic, could be lurking in one of their households.

If toi do learn that one of your children’s Friends doesn’t have proper parents and allows them to play on such vile machines, make sure your child knows that par playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the feu pits of Hell.



What Gay Thing is This Gaming Teaching Kids

Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a rue term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin. Satan has recently taught our fecal fisting bandits that if toi hang each other upside down and let the blood rush to the head, the anal poubelle, benne à ordures becomes plus sensitive to touch and we all know gays wake up and fall asleep just jour dreaming about sticking something up their own ou someone else’s sewer hole.

If toi notice your son has become plus light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.

Dragon Fisting – Dragon fisting is a new way the gays enter each other’s mud goblets with both of their hands. The difference with dragon fisting, is they make sure to grow their nails very long and once inserted into their low t-cell counted friend, they make a tickling movement with their fingers and sends their mud monkey buddy into a demon infused enticement of gay rage.

Make sure to inspect the length and smell of your children’s finger nails on a daily basis.

Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banane with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.

This is bullsh*t!
Skyrim Fans...try Hunted: the Demon's Forge!

(#*This article is NOT par me*#)

"A really great game that cam out this an from Bethesda and InXile was Hunted: The Demon's Forge. Despite good exposure at E3 and other venues, sort of premiered as Gears of War medieval style (3rd person with cover system), Hunted did not do as well as developers had hoped. In a an full of big name franchise releases, if toi weren't paying close attention to game releases, it was easy to overlook any of them.

As I have been playing Skyrim, I have been seeing alot of similarities in style to Hunted...the difference...
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posted by zylice
plus Skyrim Character Tips:

Getting tired of your style and want to change? toi can! Store all of that heavy armour and clunky weapons away! Put on some robes,get staffs,daggers and spells. Become a Mage! There are 3 main types of characters: Warrior, Strider and Mage. Try combining these types together to create:

A Battle-Mage:( Mage traverser, croix Warrior/Strider.)

A Strider-Mage (Battle-Mage)

A Strider-Enchanter/Hunter/Alchemist

A Mage- Enchanter/Alchemist

A Warrior- Blacksmith/Enchanter/Miner

The combinations are limitless!
toi can be a bit of EVERYTHING!! :-)

Types Of Mages:
Fire, Ice, Electric, Elementor, Alterationist, Illusionist, Conjurer, Alchemist, Enchanter,Restorationist, Battle, Enchanter.

Types of Warriors:
War, Battle, Heavy, Brutal, Fighter, Blacksmiths,

Types of Striders:
Hunter, Assassin, Strider-Mage, Enchanter.
posted by zylice
Atronach Forge Recipes:


Fire Atronach

1 Ruby
1 feu Salts

Frost Atronach

1 Sapphire
1 Frost Salts

Storm Atronach

1 Amethyst
1 Void Salts

Random unbound Dremora

Sigil Stone
1 Skull
1 Daedra Heart
1 Dog Meat/Horker Meat/Horse Meat/Leg of Goat/Mammoth Snout (If plus than one is placed in the offering box, they will both be consumed.)

Spell Tome: Conjure Flame Atronach

1 Ruined Book
1 feu Salts
1 Dragon's Tongue
1 ours Pelt

Spell Tome: Conjure Frost Atronach

1 Ruined Book
1 Frost Salts
1 Frost Mirriam
1 Ice loup Pelt

Spell Tome: Conjure Storm Atronach

1 Ruined Book
1 Void Salts
1 Deathbell
1 Mammoth Tusk

Spell Tome: Soul...
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1) toi can name all the gods

2) toi say oblivion instead of god when surprised

3) toi have a very long argument about the war and whos side should toi take

4) toi start yelling at the characters though the tv like its a sports game

5) toi get emotionally attached to the characters

6) toi know the history of all the holds off the haut, retour au début of you're head

7) toi have a fight about how a vampire ou werewolf is better

8) toi have a fight about some of the decision toi made in the game

9) toi tell toi Friends to worship a certain god
posted by Tawnyjay
I stumbled out of lit when my uncle started howling.
He was still in the doorway, in our main room. He clumsily got to his feet as I approached apprehensively.
“Girl, make me some breakfast and then get your cul, ass down to Fenia’s place.”
I got an pomme and some goat cheese out of the cupboard, took a small couteau from the table, and sliced the pomme into wedges. I spread the creamy cheese onto it and placed it suivant to my uncle.
I quickly hurried out of the door and into the snow. The wind swept my golden hair behind my back, and I hoped Fenia would have me work inside.
I slid down a slope...
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The hallmark of this series has always been player freedom, sometimes at the expense of any focus ou through line to the story. Skyrim manages to get this balance just right. toi can do whatever toi want, pursue whatever quests and storylines interest toi and work on the main quest whenever toi feel like it.

And oh, what a world. Skyrim is a huge province and toi are free to explore every inch of it. Design-wise, it's a beautiful if not flashy place. In the first hours of the game I found myself wishing that the architecture of Skyrim were plus over-the-top. But I soon realized that the payoff...
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As in the précédant games, character creation is a joy. toi can choose from among Argonians (that's lizard-folk), four types of humans (Imperials, Nords, Bretons, and Redguards), Orcs, three kinds of elves (High, Dark and Wood) and the feline Khajiit. Each race has its own history, agenda and of course, different types of skill bonuses.

In the first few minutes of the game toi choose your race, design your characters look and pick a name. Notice I didn't say pick a class. Because Skyrim doesn't have classes. At all. This has been true of the Elder Scrolls games for a while, but Skryim doesn't...
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added by Tawnyjay
Source: Rightful Owners
Best Destruction Gear:

Master Destruction Robes/Daedric Armor Of Peereless Destruction.

Daedric/Ebony/Dragon casque of Pereless Destruction.

Hands: Ebony/Daedric/Dragon Gauntlets Of Extra Magic +21.

Feet: Ebony/Daedric Boots Of Resist Frost.

Other: collier (-10 cost), Ring (-10 cost)

Standing Stones: Atronach Stone (+50 Magicka, absorb 50% spells, Magicka regens at -50%.)

Apprentice Stone: (Magicka regens 2x faster, but twice as vulnerable to spells.) *•But with armor that doesn't really matter!*•
added by Saejima
Source: Bethesda
added by glelsey
Source: screenshots par me
added by Saejima
Source: Bethesda
**•Pure Mage Build•**

#Combat:
•Use Destruction spells and/or staves to either freeze, burn ou shock your enemies. toi can either dual-cast to deal plus damage, ou toi could have a healing spell in the one hand whilst having a defensive spell/staff in the other. This is a good idea if toi don't have many health potions. (Even though toi should really stock up on those. They can be a huge life-saver for several occasions!)

#Health, Stamina & Magicka:
•When your health gets low in combat, toi can either use health potions and/or healing spells. As a mage with light equipment, toi do...
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added by lefthandskyrim
Source: Right_hand_skyrim
added by vagos
added by vagos
Source: Me
posted by vagos
Skyrim has to be one of the most generous games you'll ever spend your money on. There are so many things toi can get involved with. In addition to the fascinating main quest, toi can: become a lethal assassin; become a master thief; rejoindre a civil war (on either side!); become a vampire; become a werewolf; get married (to a male ou female); purchase and furnish homes; go to wizard college; become a master blacksmith, alchemist and enchanter; commune with the mysterious and powerful Daedric gods of Tamriel and do their bidding; clear out nests of bandits, vampires, spiders and undead; explore...
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added by pumpkinqueen
Source: Skyrim wiki
added by pumpkinqueen
Source: Tumblr