Secret Post Card...

I look back at my life, and I see a girl who I wish I wasn't...
A girl who's fucked up a lot
And has done stupid things
Who is depressed
And cuts
Who's swallowed pills
And swallowed the bleach
Or made herself throw up..
A girl who was always smiling
But I guess she got good at faking?

The world around this girl thinks she's happy and has a great life..
If only they knew the real her..

If only they could see through that fake smile of hers
Or see the scars that line her wrist legs and hips
Because a smile can hide so much..

I feel as if theres something inside me picking at me wanting to be free...
Picking...

I smile.. I cry.. I lie..

~I SMILE~

I smile, even if people abandon me
I smile, when my friend confessed he liked me… maybe…
I smile, when my cœur, coeur broke as he a dit he forgot me
I smile, when I’m in tears
I smile, no matter how much pain I’m in
I smile, through times when it is tough
I smile, when my Friends hurt me
I smile, despite the hurt
I smile, when people withdraw their trust on me
I smile, like I’m the happiest girl in the world when I’m not
I smile, whenever my world crashes around me
I smile, to those who ask, “Are toi okay?”
I smile, just for the sake of it
I smile, but sometimes...

Little things about me...


I've been écriture a story at school, this girl has been lire it.

She wonders where I got the idea from, I tell her it's just fiction,

I can't bring myself to tell her thats it's really how I view the world since everyone thinks I'm the super happy smiling girl.

No one knows my world is dark.


~~~

This week we had an anti-bullying activity at school

We have to traverser, croix a line when something applies to you.

"Please traverser, croix the line if toi feel lonely."

No one in my class did, but I know one person who almost did.

Until she saw nobody else did.

I should have crossed that line.

~~~


I...

Okay it's time to..Vent...



I grab a couteau and some pills to try to ease the pain, but each it feels harder and harder to keep up and stay smiling. I wrote a poem with some beauty and some vision to it bottom line it my expend your mind if toi read it closely. To much shine can dull the soul if your feel how I feel then I'll write some more...

How can the world be so mean to me when I did nothing to be in this darkness I now call life? I get a little honest and I ask myself, if the time came would toi save me if I asked for help? I normally send my mind out to the outer most to get away from this...

Still I Rise



toi may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are toi beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did toi want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened par my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't toi take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got or mines
Diggin' in...

This for anyone out there who knows what pain truly feels like...This is for you..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's my story and feelings...

Each jour I always put on a smile
No matter what
I always smile

And the reason why I always smile is because when I was little my mom always used to say to me, to be strong and montrer your not in pain and suck it up.

Each jour I always hold everything in
But when I get home
And I'm all alone
I burst into tears

Each jour I feel so alone
I feel as if I'm losing my Friends
Which I am

I've cut
I've swallowed the pills
I've drinked
I've force myself not to eat

But...

I'm sick of these thoughts these people are ponding in my head,
I'm sick of this lie that people call life,
And I'm sick of the tears and hiding them away,
Trying to montrer my parents I'm strong and okay.
But if your like me..
And your sick of the lies and this life toi live toi do the same as me..
Put a smile on your lips..

I'm the girl who's always smiling
And always looks so damn happy
But in reality its not even a real smile
It's plus like a plastered on mask
And my real smile has been gone now for quit some time
But no one can see that because they really don't care
They never ask if I'm okay they all...

Scars

Scars– A story about what scars truly mean to me.

When I fall into deep sleep
My cœur, coeur is at peace
For a while, I guess
Sometimes… it’s hard to say what I need to say
Because with all this pain locked inside me
Scars are printed on my heart
One par one, they appear
Some say that scars heal and wounds do not
With me, they don’t disappear nor do they heal
They simply grow
Pain is something I’ve been trapped in since I was small
It’s like death because pain is a feeling that makes me suffer
I can handle it perfectly, never montrer any signs of it
But I don’t think I can handle one from another...

No one like me…

Can toi see that girl over there?
The one who has deep-set brown eyes and raven black hair?
You can see that in her eyes, she has a story
I don’t know about you, but she’s always the one who stood out the most

Perpetually alone, somehow out of sight, out of mind ... and Lost in her thoughts
She goes par the rules at her school, obeying what anyone who asks her to do this, ou do that
Really, she will do it
Just ask her and then snap she’ll do it, just like that

There are times when she can be regarded as the merriest person in the class
A love-sick one too and a person who has her...

"Write an article about your life, your thoughts, anything on your mind! Get it off toi shoulders! Express anything"

I stared blankly at the paper. “What was I going to write?” My mind was blank. My stomach was in a tight knot. I held my fist tightly closed to my chest. I felt like crying. Those dark memories came back.

I raised my hand. She called on me. 'Miss Ivory! Yes!"

I hold back my tears but manage to mumble. All eyes were on my know. I shivered.

"Can toi write about anything on your mind? And toi won't tell anyone?"

She thought a little bit before answering with a smile. "Why, I don't...

Problems:

Heart:

    
    “Miss cœur, coeur I’m going to ask toi one plus time, and I’d like if toi told me the truth.”
    My mind was some place else. I’ve been answering the same question over and over again with the same answer. The light burned my eyes and my stomach twisted as I stared down at the picture once again. There he laded...Dead. His body torn and cut, with flesh and blood seeping out with a pool of blood laying suivant to him. The thing that made me the most sick was his eyes..So lifeless and dark and dull. Then the same...