Things I’ve learned from watching horror movies
• I learned that if the house toi are living in tells toi to “GO AWAY,” do it. Now.
• If you’re a virgin, stay that way.
• If a killer with a couteau is chasing toi around the house, do NOT go upstairs. Go out the front door, toi idiot!
• For God’s sake, turn on the lights.
• Never divisé, split up.
• Never stoop over to see if the killer is dead. He’s not.
• Never get naked in front of a window.
• Avoid the following geographical locations: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, many islands, lover’s lanes, most secluded...
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