It was a dark night balmy summer night, when I finally chose to forgive Jordan Catalano. We drove off in his red convertible, not stopping until we reached Lets Bolt. The whole car ride was filled with an intense sexual tension, that was almost unbearable.

As we pulled into the parking space; Jordan Catalano made a perfect parking job, making sure he parked his car directly in between the two yellow lines.

“Jordan Catalano, can’t toi read” I said. “This is a handy casquette, cap spot.”

“Sorry Angela,” he replied tenderly. “My lire lessons with Brain have been going pretty well, but I have yet to fully master the art of reading, even picture livres & road symbols.”

“Thats okay,” I told him, as he pulled the car out and tightly parked it in a normal parking spot.

The parking lot of Lets Bolt was empty, as it was a Monday night, and even in Pittsburgh in the early 90’s, people didn’t go out partying on a Monday.

Jordan Catalano turned the engine off leaving the keys in so that the car radio would still work. He turned on the radio, and “Out On Bail” par Tupac was playing. It set the romantic mood perfectly. Jordan Catalano and I then turned to each other, and our lip crashed against each other. All was forgiven.

I finally felt like I was ready to give into my undying and all consuming l’amour for Jordan Catalano. Jordan Catalano motioned for me to go in the back seat. We both climbed over the seats into the back siège of the car, never breaking out kiss. He then started to rip my flannel chemisier off, that my mother had just mended a few days prior. As we rounded seconde base, Jordan Catalano removed my overalls, and then my sexy black long sleeved leotard. I was now only wearing my fruit of the loom bra & panty set, and my badly worn Doc Marten combat boots.

“Oh Angela,” he exclaimed. “You’re so beautiful it hurts to look at you.”

“Ohh Jordan Catalano,” I replied. “I am ready to make l’amour to you.”

Jordan Catalano then removed his flannel chemise to reveal worn out Pearl confiture concert t-shirt, which he slipped sexily over his head. He then unbuttoned and slipped off his brown baggy corduroy pants, which revealed a pair of white boxers. He then slipped off his white boxers to reveal his 12 inch erect penis.

“Oooh Jordan Catalano, you’re plus beautiful naked than Ricky & I have ever imagined.” I told him.

“Thank you,” he replied.

He then took a quick pause, seeming a bit worried before asking.

“Is it okay if I use these, whips, gags & leather bunny mask on toi when we have sex?”

“Of corse Jordan Catalano” I replied. “I’d let toi do anything to me.”

With that he pulled out a bag of quote on quote “toys”, and proceeded to put a leather bunny mask on me, and put a horse gag in my mouth. Totally average stuff for a 15 an old girl loosing her virginity to her 17 an old illiterate twice held back boyfriend in his red car.

He then removed my fruit of the loom bra and panty set, and we proceeded to have sexual intercourse, missionary style. During the most magical of moments the song, “The Fuck Shop” par 2 Live Crew came on the radio. It was the happiest moment of my life.

We both started to climax. As we climaxed someone started pounding on the windows. We came. The door to the car behind my head opened.

“YO CATALANO!” a voice belonging to Jordan Catalan’s friend Shane spoke. “What are toi doing here? And why do toi have your penis in that weird girl who hangs out with Rayanne Graff?”

25 days later.

I saw Jordan Catalano, my boyfriend, l’amour of my life, and the guy who I had been having unprotected sex with for the past 25 days in the hallway at school. He came towards me, and embraced me in a loving hug.

“Why have toi been avoiding me Angela?” he asked. “I learned how to read one of those poems par that Shakespeare guy, just so I could read it to you.”

“I’m sorry Jordan Catalano,” I answered. “Hey can we talk in private, I’ve got something important to talk to toi about.”

“Ok” Jordan Catalano replied.

I then lead him to the boiler room. He proceeded to push me up against a mur and try to make out. I pushed him off of me.

“I’M LATE!!! JORDAN CATALANO I’M LATE WITH MY PERIOD!” I exclaimed.

Jordan’s face lit up.

“You mean toi might be having my baby?!” He asked. “Angela, this is great! I l’amour toi so much. And I’d been thinking about asking toi to quit school and be my full-time live in girlfriend. I’ve been making really good money at the auto-body shop, AND Residue, toi know La Reine des Neiges Embryo’s new name, has been booked to play at the regional battle of the bands. So like what I’m trying to ask is will toi marry me?”

“Of corse!!!!” I exclaimed.

Jordan and I then started making out against the boiler. Then Shane walked in telling Jordan he was going to be late for boutique class.

“Honey, I’m going to make the baby a berceau, station d’accueil in boutique class… Sit with me at lunch, okay? he told me lovingly.

One mois later

I was happily pregnant with Jordan Catalano’s baby. Sure my parents had kicked me out, and I had dropped out of 10th grade. But all was grand. Jordan Catalano had bought a lovely mobile accueil that we had hooked up to the back of red. Residue had won the tri-state battle of the bands, and had been offered a record deal on Virgin Records, on the condition that they change the name of their band to 30 secondes To Mars, and that Shane replace Tino on the drums.

It was our wedding day. Jordan Catalano and I had driven in red with our mobile accueil out to Las Vegas to get hitched. Being that my parents had donné me up and signed over my custodial guardianship to Jordan Catalano who was now 18, there would be no hitches in our nuptials.

I wore a grey and white flannel dress to our wedding. Jordan Catalano wore his usual, looking adorable as ever. Ricky, Rayanne, Sharon, and Shane had also drive to Vegas to support us at our wedding.

As I walked down the isle, “I Saw The Sign” par Ace Of basse, bass played over the speakers.

“Do toi take this teenage girl to be your lawful wedded wife?” the Elvis impersonator asked.

“She’s knocked up with my baby, so of corse I do!” Jordan Catalano said.

“Do toi take this young man to be your husband, in sickness & in healthy, for rich ou for poorer til death do us part?” Elvis now asked me.

“Of corse, Jordan Catalano can’t really get any poorer than he is now, and I still l’amour him. Though does this vow, include that I will have to still l’amour him if he has some kind of disfiguring accident? Accidents aside, yes, I do.” I told them.

And with that we were married.

Ricky, Rayanne, Sharon, and Shane threw riz on us. Then we went back to our hotel suit and had sex to “Rape Me” par Nirvana.

7 Months Later

I had just woken up from my sedation, as giving birth to Jordan Catalano’s child hurt like satan… It hurt worse than when Jordan Catalano took my virginity 9 months prior with his 12 inch penis.

“What is it?! ” I asked. “A boy ou a girl.”

“Honey, we had sextuplets,” Jordan Catalano informed me, his crystal blue eyes beaming with pride.

“Oh no wonder I gained 150lb’s during my pregnancy,” I answered.

“You’re gonna do something about that weight right?” He asked. ‘I don’t want our 5 daughters and my son, having a fat mother.”

“Of corse,” I replied to him, my nostrils flaring. “Can I see our babies, ou at least one of them now?”

“Yes” the nurse said, as she placed a beautiful coco colored baby girl into my arms.

“Oh Jordan Catalano, she’s so beautiful, she looks just like you. Her chocolat brown eyes look just like your blue ones,” told him.

“I know it honey,” Jordan Catalano a dit as he looked lovingly at his daughter.

I let Jordan Catalano pick out the names for our children. He named our son Sir Jordan Kurt Cobain Billy Corgan Mix A Lot Catalano, and our daughters Courtney l’amour Catalano, Celine Dion Catalano, Left Eye Catalano, Janet Jackson Catalano, and Whitney Houston Catalano. Beautiful names for beautiful children.

“How did toi come up with such unique names for our kids?” I asked him, the suivant morning.

“I went out to red and flipped through our cassette collection, and when I ran out of names I turned on the radio.” he told me in a very thoughtful way.

Later that night we checked out of the hospital with our six children, and walked out to the parking lot to red & our trailer.

Jordan and I decided that for the first mois of our children’s lives we would like to have running water, so before we had checked out Jordan, had rented for a mois a room for us at the Pittsburgh airport Motel 6, and had donné the hospital the number there for if they needed to contact us.

Two weeks later.

I was washing all of our clothes in the bathtub, while Jordan and Shane were at the auto-body boutique working. Jordan still kept his job, even though Residue(Frozen Embryos) who were now going par the name of 30 secondes To Mars were also recording a cd for Virgin Records, an ironic name for the record label that my sex stallion teen husband was signed to.

All of a sudden I received a call in the hotel room. I was frantic. No one ever called, as I was dead to my parents. “Oh No” I wondered, could something have happened to my l’amour monkey Jordan Catalano.

Shaking I picked up the phone.

“Hello” I asked.

“Hi Mrs Catalano, this is Pittsburgh Memorial Hospital” the voice on the other end stated.

Oh no! My worst fear, Jordan Catalano’s beautiful face had been disfigured in a tragic battery acid accident.

“Whats the problem?” I asked the hospital person.

“Well Mrs Catalano, there has been a mix up. toi see there were two sets of sextuplets born the jour that toi gave birth to your kids. The other woman Laquishiana and her husband Motherfucker Jones realized yesterday that they think they were donné the wrong set of children. And upon us checking it seems to be correct as they’re an African-America couple, and the children we gave them have pale skin and blue eyes and resemble some guy that this actress named Cameron Diaz will be engaged to like 5 years from now.” the hospital person explained to me.

“Oh!” I replied. “I thought something terrible had happened. As soon as my husband gets accueil from work we’ll come down and exchange the kids.”

10 Years Later

Whitney Houston Catalano, Courtney l’amour Catalano, Left Eye Catalano, Celine Dion Catalano, Janet Jackson Catalano, and Sir Jordan Kurt Cobain Billy Corgan Mix A Lot Catalano were now 10 years old.

Jordan Catalano and Shane’s new band 30 secondes To Mars had just released this album called A Beautiful Lie. It was selling amazingly. Jordan Catalano was going under this weird alias of Jared Leto and pretending that Shane was his brother. There was also this stint a few an prior when I was in the psych ward where Jordan went out with Cameron Diaz and was in this movie where he broke into some peoples house.

But now we were happy. Jordan was making lots of money, and we’d moved to Los Angeles and even had our own 2 bedroom apartment!!!! Life was good and we still hooked up in red whenever he got off of tour.